why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dick very happy bro
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
