Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
