And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
