I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
