Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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