i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
