tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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