so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
