Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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