i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
