This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
