It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
