dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have aggressive nipples.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
