I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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