your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found the puke drawer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
