My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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