I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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