He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
