I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
