Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
