i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
