Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
