Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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