Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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