there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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