I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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