my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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