My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
