I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
