he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
