You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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