Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I love you. Go after that dick
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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