Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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