I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
