i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
