T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
