I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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