KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
