If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
