How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
