I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
