Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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