I think my vagina is haunted
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
