Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
