My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
