You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
