I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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