he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
