I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
