i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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