??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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