Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
