you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
