Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
