I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
