She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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